November 25, 2006

Seasonal Depression?

I'm pretty sure this isn't the place for it - but here goes anyway. I think I may suffer from some seasonal depression. In the general Seattle area it has done nothing but rain - hard - for days. Since daylight savings time, it's dark 80% of the time. Okay, not really, but all of my 'free time.' Lately, I'm feeling like a huge failure. We have a division of labor in our family - JB does the outside, including all the gardening and I do the inside. Well Thursday he cleaned all the floors - made me feel horrible! It was great that the floors were clean and sparkly and that I didn't have to do it - but instead of enjoying the feeling, I took it an indication that I'm not keeping the inside clean enough. Failure I have been killing myself working out lately and my weight is creeping up again this week. Friday, my head hurt when I woke up - it always hurts so this is nothing new. But what did I do, let the dogs out and then went back to bed - skipping my workout all together. Failure In years past I have always had all my Christmas cards ready to mail on Saturday, because I write them all, with personal notes the day after Thanksgiving. Yesterday I didn't touch them! Failure There is stuff on my desk at work that I can't seem to get to, no matter what I do. Come in early, leave late. It's making my crazy. Failure I am a member of the WW Group Dog Walkers of America - I haven't walked my dogs in months! I am so not exaggating. The last time they got walked was early in September. Poor dogs, of course they still love me, but they aren't as well behaved nor as exercised as they could be. Failure Because of this overwhelming feeling of failure I haven't been in my sewing space for days. Which just adds to the feeling of failure. By the way, I'm a classic overacheiver, everything has to be perfect and there is very little unschedule down time in my life. Walking dogs was one means of down time. Everything I do has to be done perfectly or I shouldn't bother doing it all. Make a project half-heartedly is not okay, it's better not to do it at all! Just my take on things. I hope I can snap out of this soon, before I completely spiral out of control.


  1. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I have recently turned 64 and, reflecting on aging, have decided that the greatest gift of getting old is patience. I have learned patience. One more minute, one more hour, or one more day will not make a huge difference in the scheme of things, so cut yourself a break, take all the time you need for yourself, and thank your husband for being supportive.

  2. Oh Gaylen,
    I am so sorry. I am a bit of a perfectionist, too...and it is just not a good thing.
    Please do not be so hard on yourself, you are WONDERFUL. You are VERY important to several people, including me.


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