June 17, 2008


No, not that finished knit - to be introduced and explained in detail later, but my life recently. I don't know why, I can't explain it, but life just seems hard lately. It's getting harder and harder to just get through the things that have to get done on a daily/weekly basis. You know - working, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning. I am still knitting - but mostly because that seems to be an extension of my fingers when I sit down - it just happens without conscious thought. Part of this comes from my current weight and how much I let society and the images on the pages of magazines and television affect my personal self worth and how I think I should look. I have discussed this numerous time before and I don't really want to rehash it here - but the truth is that since I got sick last Fall I have let my weight creep back up and it is weighing me down. I know what I should do but I don't have the energy or the desire. Without losing the weight, I don't know how to get past this and get comfortable in my own skin. Any suggestions?


  1. I second your most... and agree completely. I thought it was just me.

  2. Small steps? Perhaps if you were able to become a little more active you'd feel better?

    Forget about the social images, it's more for your health.

  3. Long-time reader, first-time commenter :) ... but I completely understand how you feel.

    I second the motion about small steps - that's what I'm going for too!

  4. I hear what you're saying - I've found less and less time to keep my house clean, but I always seem to have lots of time to stress about it.

    On the physical side, one way to get a new perspective is to watch a couple episodes of How To Look Good Naked - the original BBC series with Gok Wan, is on cable, and essentially, the whole show is about helping women see their own physical beauty. There's no surgery, no excess therapy or suckholing, so it's not as painful to watch as some shows.

    Here's a link to a place where you can see some of the video clips;


    There's a new, Americanized version which is perfectly all right, though I like the BBC version much better. Here's a link to a place where you can watch many of the episodes for free online;


    I'm not crazy enough to say that watching TV can cure all that ails you, honestly, I think Gok Wan CAN help you change your perspective, just by watching him change other people's.

    Wow. Didn't realize I was such a rabid Gok Wan fan. Go figure.

  5. I really understand! Last summer I was so happy because I had lost 40 pounds, put me almost as skinny as my teen kids; which actually made the doctors happy. But I quit smoking, and have put 30 of the 40 lbs back on. Then life is so busy, having issues with a teen at home, and wondering at 40 something maybe my weight is okay & it is just me. I do get depressed though not being a size 12 instead of 6 right now.

  6. I am sorry you are down...you know i love ya more than just about anything. I think you are so fabulous, inside and out. You are a good friend, and so talented.
    I am sure the cruddy fall weather is NOT helping, you are such a SUNSHINE person.
    Hang in there, G. Hug that Beauretard dog...sheesh, i love that boy

  7. Ok - I'm not great at getting across what I mean but I'll try by telling you how I have felt and some things that have helped. And this is tough to share in a lot of ways because it's really personal to me. But if it will help you in the least bit then it is more than worth it. By the way, since you don’t know me my blog is: http://fabricluver.blogspot.com/ I just started it for the coat sew-along. I think I understand some of how you feel and would like to help - so here goes.

    I've been the WW route, lost 55 lbs. and worked for WW over a year. I do think it is a great program and I love the support - I was part of a great group and the leader was fantastic. I could not have lost the weight without them. However the weight crept back up and I was feeling lousy about myself, I had no energy or motivation for anything.

    I have always been an enthusiastic, positive person and have had numerous projects going at the same time. In the past I have loved to plan, make lists and always stay busy. I’m the type of person who handles a multitude of tasks, schedules and still has time to do the projects that I love – or I was that type of person. But I know that bad feeling well – the lack of energy, little things that I normally could handle with a positive outlook had become more than I wanted to deal with.

    When I finally realized that I was feeling more “down” than “up”, I had to sit back and think about how I really felt about life. And to my surprise I realized that if I continued to feel the way I did, then I did not want to participate in life. No I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, but life was not fun at all. That was a truly WOW moment for me. I have never had any type of depression – sure, I’ve been down at times – who hasn’t? But to feel that bad? That was last November and as I looked back over the past year, I could see how as time went by it had gotten worse. One thing that made me realize how bad it was – was for me to acknowledge that I did not want to sew. I would have to make myself sew and there was no longer any joy in it. There wasn’t much joy in anything. I went through each day smiling and pretending that I was happy and everything was normal but it wasn’t. I finally decided that it was time to go to my doctor and it was very hard for me to make that decision and actually do it. I’ve always been able to handle everything myself so it was difficult to admit I needed help.

    Thankfully my doctor was out and my appointment was with his PA. She is a young, vibrant lady who likes to take the natural route if the patient is willing. As I told her how I had been feeling she asked about my migraines. We discussed those, chemical imbalances as we get older and a lot of other stuff. Bottom line was that she suggested I take 5HTP (google it and I won’t botch up trying to explain what it does) since it would probably help with migraines, some studies suggest it helps with weight loss – but she also wrote a prescription for Zoloft. I’ve never had it filled. I’m still not back where I would like to be but after another appointment with her yesterday we are still working on adding other natural remedies. I have nothing against prescriptions at all but if I can take a more natural route then I prefer to try. There are many things that can cause lack of energy, etc and many, many different actions that can be taken.

    My suggestion is to talk to your doctor. He or she is going to know what is best for you. I’ve read your blog for over a year and I seem to have a lot in common with you but please don’t think I am presuming you have the same trials that I have. The weight issue is secondary for me right now – I want to feel like my old self and I am beginning to more all the time. As I have felt better, I have started walking again and my eating habits are getting back to the good foods. I am optimistic again and I’m enjoying life – it is truly good. I want you to feel that way too and maybe some of this has helped. If not, I truly hope you don’t take offense. I’m approaching mid 50 and I still worry about my weight – I guess I always will. It is also hard for me to accept that I can’t do all the things I used to do – there is just not that much energy left at the end of the day – and that is ok, so try to be more accepting of yourself too.

    It is so nice to enjoy sewing again, planning new projects and being enthusiastic about what’s up next. I love the excitement of tracing that new Burda pattern, cutting into the fabric, and even tearing my hair out trying to figure out the instructions  Just to have the enthusiasim back is great – I guess at this age the all the energy I want may be asking for too much.


  8. I lost all my weight last year and now have put it all back on nothing fits I want to start walking.Hugs Darcy

  9. I have no suggestions as I'm in a very similar place, only also encumbered by a back that won't allow even walking or yoga, for nearly a year now. It's very frustrating. I was sure Sissy would be my motivation, but alas, now there are two of us (three? Mugsy too?) not getting the exercise we need. At least I see to it that they eat right, which is more than I do for me.

    I'm wondering if I shouldn't just start walking a bit, doing what I can of the back yoga routine that sustained me for so many years. If some weight came off, surely that would help my back, right?!

  10. Oh I am so sorry that you're feeling this way... and I do understand so very, very well.
    I would like to echo every word of Susan's post above! (though my prescrip was for Prozac, and I really like that her PA helped her find more natural remedies.) It's okay to need help!
    Another thing my doctor recently talked about with me is that I'm getting into peri-menopause range and it's starting to affect me. I still need birth control... so he changed the dosage to help with the mood swings (and hot flashes) I was having.
    I want to get moving, walking or *something*, too. Has anyone ever done a blog walk-along thing? Do you think it would help? I'd sign on.
    You sent a very nice comment to my blog once and I never wrote back (I'm so bad at email sometimes), but if you'd ever like to talk it's coneryka at jmu dot edu

    But know that you're not alone and there's sympathy and understanding in so many here.

  11. I just read this after reading your last post and I must say you speak to me. Since my toe surgery...my weight has gone up. It's affected me in many ways. Mainly just my self image and my insecurities that I have come to the surface and rear their ugly head. I hope that you can work through this and if you need anything I'm here.

    Have a wonderful day.

  12. I hear you!
    Getting fibromyalgia put a good 20-30lb's on me a few years back and I still yo-yo between that and my original weight.

    Ignore societies images.
    Figure out what a healthy weight for you is (I generally lose weight when my bones and muscle complain).
    Wear loose fitting clothing and enjoy being voluptuous.
    Best wishes!

  13. Gaylen, it sounds like it is more than just weight. Perhaps depression. There are some very good medications out there and when I finally admitted that I had the blues all the time, I got medication. This helped me get back to what is "normal" for me and then I was able to do more things that I wanted or needed to do. I also have been going to CURVES for over two years now and this has helped me lower my cholestrol and drop some inches as well as tone up. As to weight, well I have not lost a lot but the inches have made me feel better about myself. I even went down a skirt/pant size. Take care of yourself. Small steps as someone else posted is great way to start.

  14. I don't know how much you weigh but I doubt that it's anywhere near what I weighed last October. I need a knee replacement and the inability to walk very much or do any type of exercise really caused me to grow from a normal fat lady into the super-sized ranks. My arthritis (osteo, and apparently also some rheumatoid) gave me constant pain. Until this point in my life I'd never had much trouble dealing with being a heavy person. I just went ahead and did what I wanted to and seldom let it bother me.

    But, when we were in Michigan last fall in the beautiful fall color in the middle of the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the parking lot of my very favorite Lake Superior beach, I let my OH take the dogs for a walk while I stayed in our vehicle. It was just too much trouble to walk down to the beach, and even if I'd done so, I knew I couldn't stand there and enjoy it because of my knee. It was probably the lowest health-related day I'd ever had.

    I came home and decided not to go back to work selling real estate. I hurt and I'd reached the point where I considered myself disabled, and I realized how much I'd given up. I knew I had to do something about it and I decided that in the next year I'd get a knee replacement and that I needed to go back to a smaller size.

    A few weeks later I got out the Michael Thurmond Six Week Body Makeover Program that I'd bought a year or so before. I sat with it and a recipe book I'd bought with it and decided on meals that I wanted to eat for a day that fit into the program. Since then I've followed the program fairly well although I do eat whatever I want when I have to eat out. I've lost a tremendous amount of weight and still have more to lose and it really wasn't that hard, and with no exercising.

    I can highly recommend the program, and also think the Weight Watcher's program someone else mentioned is very good. And, through blogging and developing an interest in knitting/crocheting I've met a number of people in my area and across the country. I joined a knitting group that meets monthly with programs and outings, I took spinning lessons and bought a spinning wheel, and for a while it seemed like I had someplace to go every Saturday related to knitting, spinning, or doing something with someone from a blog. Having those outside contacts has done me a world of good. Since you knit, I encourage you to do as much as possible with your knitting friends and to develop new ones.

    As for society and how you think you should look, why are you dwelling on it? You seem to be a talented woman and just because you're overweight doesn't lessen your worth as a person. You don't need to please other people, so please stop worrying about what they think. I never let the weight issue bother me until it physically started affecting how I lived my life. That was the point at which the weight issue did become important.

    You can still find some great clothes at any size. I can recommend some companies that do clothes in all sizes from sportswear all the way to evening wear. You can look good no matter what your size.

    And, if you hang out with people who comment negatively about your weight, get new friends. This is an issue that you will decide to deal with when and if and how you want to without the need for others criticizing you in the meantime.

    I know what it's like not to have the energy. But, one finally reaches a point where she knows she has to take charge of her life to save herself. By doing so you regain control and it empowers you. You just have to make the effort to take the first steps and then keep taking more steps. A few small successes will keep you going. Good Luck.

  15. I just finished reading/looking through your blog posts since the last time I was here and I saw all of the photos of you modeling some of the clothes you've made. Now I'm confused. I don't understand why you're so concerned about a weight problem and how society views you. You look perfectly normal and several of the photos make you look very slender.

    Forgive me for saying this, but I just don't understand why women who have only a few pounds to lose let the weight issue get them down, when people like me can go on for years and do and accomplish many things without worrying about what other people are thinking. The value of a person isn't in their weight or how they look, it's in how they act and what they do with their life.

    May I suggest that you have a good cry to get it all out of your system and then start looking at all that's right with you and your life? Take charge of your life and live it to suit you and not some image that you think you should be.

  16. When I start to feel like this, I just think about all of the sad things everywhere around me and all over the world, until I burst into tears, and then I cry about everything including whatever it is that is bothering me (often it is my weight too) and then afterwards I try to promise myself to do one small thing every day... as little as drinking some more water or something that I do more for me is that I allow myself one pedicure/manicure once a month just to have some "me time" and relax a little. Also I have to disagree with the previous comment.. I think that it is so easy to look skinny with your clothes on, but until you've seen me naked, you ain't seen nothing! Remember when we'd go to WW and people would give us dirty looks bc they thought we only needed to lose a few lbs? but we both needed to lose about 40? It isn't a small goal, and definitly not something to be overlooked. Anyway, I know that you are trying hard always to do stuff, and I think that there are many things that you do do every day that you just don't realize you do bc its such a habbit for you now. But the whole thing I was trying to get to was that You are a wonderful woman, and you can do anything, you are very strong, and capable, and things do become a bit of a struggle at times, but you alway push through! I love you very much! *Muah*


I appreciate you coming to see me. It may take me a bit to publish your comment - but I will get to them by the end of every day. If you leave a way for me to get back to you, I will. Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your opinions. g

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