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Determination, Motivation, Stick-to-it-ivness
Lately I don't seem to have it. And frankly I don't think I care. Although I'm very disappointment in myself I don't have the drive or the desire to make the necessary changes.
Let me start back at the beginning. For most of my adult life I have been somebody's version of overweight. I attended Weight Watchers meeting in Nebraska, Montana, Washington and even in England when we lived there. Truthfully though through my mid-20s I really wasn't overweight. I was busy - attending school full-time, working part-time and raising my two daughters alone. I worked out when I could and rode bikes with the girls. We were very active and tried to eat well - but sometimes it hard.
After graduating from school and only having to work full-time, life slowed down and I enjoyed being able to sit down and watch tv, read a book, or (gasp) sew! I quit being so active. I had time. My life wasn't a constant rush.
Then I met JB in May 1992. We were busy, I was always doing for somebody else. Getting up early so I could pack lunches for all the kids (his 2, my 2). Working all day, coming home cleaning house, cooking dinner, helping with homework, walking dogs - you know, normal 'mom/wife' stuff. I would fall into bed exhausted only to get up and do it again the next day. Sewing, reading, knitting, even mindless tv watching took a backseat to everyone else. I had put myself on the bottom of the foodchain.
Finally (just like someone in an abusive relations) something snapped and I had enough.
I joined Weight Watchers with a new attitude for the "last" time on January 10, 2002. That evening I weighed in at a whopping 254.6 pounds. I almost cried. I was so embarrassed. How had this happened? When did this happen. How was I going to lose 100#?
Well I am a very slow loser. I enjoy having sweets - jelly beans are my own personal meth. Give me one and I'm a gonner! Really I'm that way with anything sweet. I just need to avoid it completely. Anyway - it took me until the first week in August 2002 to reach my 10% goal. For those of you good in math - that's only 25#. I set my personal goal for the very, very top end of the weight range for my height or 169. I reach lifetime on November 10, 2005. My entire family attended the meeting with me that night to show their love and support.
I continued to attend regular weekly meeting for the next year and I have maintained my weight loss for some time. However, now I'm backsliding. I'm eating more sugar and less fruit. More chips and less veggies. I'm not thinking ahead and packing lunches as much and driving through fast food much more. I'm tired and not cooking again and we are ordering in more. I don't have the determination or motivation to get back to it. And yet, I am so disappointed in myself. I hate the way I feel when I try to find something to wear to work. I have a closet full of cute skirts that are starting to become unattractively too tight. I hate the feeling I get when I eat too much - sugar, salt, whatever. And yet, I don't seem to care enough to make the changes again. I don't want to wait until I need to lose 95# (my final weight loss number) again, but I'm afraid that's where I'm headed.
Anyone have any stories to share? Any insight to give? How do you keep motivated? What gets on the treadmill (or your workout of choice) daily? Where does the determination, desire, drive to maintain weight management - even at the expense of other things in your life - come from?
I don't have any answers and I'm about ready to go stand in front of the freezer with a spoon, eating ice cream straight from the carton.
Sorry for the depressing, feeling sorry for myself, completely non-sewing related post - I guess I'm just looking for someone who can relate. I know there are a ton of bloggers out there following the weight watchers plan and being successful. I guess I'm looking for a support group (away from the weight watchers website) of woman who are crafty, taking care of others and can relate. Happy Weekend everyone.
Anonymous
Oh, Gaylen, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Losing weight IS difficult, maintaining your motivation and determination is also difficult. I wish I had the soothing words you crave. The only thing I can offer are a couple of knitting blogs where the authors are able to relate. Email me. x
ReplyDeleteI feel you. I've been fat (160 lbs) and I've been very thin (102 lbs). Right now I'm 125 lbs and I'd rather be 118 lbs. I vowed a while back that I was going to get my butt in gear again and I was doing well until we tore the basement apart to remodel. The treadmill and weight machine are now covered in furniture and dodads from the basement. However, I try to get out with Simon for walks when I can.
ReplyDeleteFor me most of my motivation is pain related. I have severe endometriosis and when I am overweight and eating poorly, my periods are accompanied by excruiting pain. Exercise and proper eating lessens the pain. However, I still find it hard to stay completely motivated (obviously, since I need to lose 7 lbs and tone up). I find it easiest to stay motivated when my husband is motivated too, so maybe you could find a buddy. It might be easier to do all the things you should be doing if someone else is there to do it too. Would your husband or a friend or a sibling be interested in being a healthy lifestyle partner?
I sure hope you find a solution so you are happy with yourself again. I know how you feel.
I don't have quite the same lifestyle (no kids to have to do for), but I too have struggled with the same weight issues. Motivation is the key, and no one else can give you that. It has to come from within yourself. And sometimes it's in short supply.
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself for slipping. We all slip now and then. If you beat yourself up for this it can backfire, get you depressed and reaching for that ice cream for comfort!
Just know that you're not alone in this struggle.
I've had some success lately with an internet site call Spark People (www.sparkpeople.com). They have a food tracking system that is very handy. And you can find many interesting articles and stories. Plus if you're looking for connection with others thay have lots of message boards.
Dear, dear Gaylen. First, you should be so proud of yourself for losing the 95# in the first place. You know I admire you for that, because I have the same amount to lose and I just can't get started. We live close enough to each other and are good enough friends now that I think we can support and motivate each other, don't you? One of the reasons I'm taking the bus to work daily is so that I can get the walking in every day. All total, it's about a mile a day. But my food choices still stink. I've done Weight Watchers and I know what to do, it's just keeping the wrong foods out of my house, and getting into the right habits. I can't afford the $12 a week for WW, so maybe we can help each other.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel. I too struggle with weight control and the motivation to eat properly and work out. I spent most of my 20s and 30s downright skinny, but I was a single parent working a full-time and a part-time job, going to school and running kids around. My evening "entertainment" was exercise - aerobics in the living room - because it was cheap. When I remarried nine years ago my lifestyle changed and for the first time in my adult life I had extra time to do nothing, plus money to buy whatever food I wanted. I swear the extra weight just snuck up on me. I've been to WW, lost my goal, felt great, and went right back to my old habits and regained most of what I had lost. When my husband is motivated to eat healthy it is also much, much easier to stick to healthy choices. Also, for me, I don't like to go to the club alone, so having a work out buddy works for me. Otherwise I always find an excuse why I can't find time to exercise. Thanks for being willing to share your struggle. As you can see, you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteGaylen, can I recommend that you try out a really great workout tool, www.podfitness.com ? They do a great 10 day free trial, which I used and loved so much I actually signed up for it...which is rare for me! NAYY, but it's helped me (a total gym-phobic) to stick at it. I do 1 hour on the treadmill 5 times a week...I have 2 small children, (1 is a baby of 5 1/2 months) a business, husband and home to look after so I know how time stretched you can get...but it really helps to keep you motivated. Back on my low-carb eating plan...works for me, I know it doesn't work for everyone...lost a total of 28# in 4 months so far, got another 42# to go. Slowly slowly...it took a long time to go on, but this time it's coming off for good! I wish you luck with your weight management, you can do this! Txxx
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